Surviving the Ups and Downs of the Holidays

Just thought I would re-post this as a reminder...

There’s no doubt that the holiday season is a bit emotional and draining for most people. Whether what they experience is negative or positive, there are ups and downs to the season for everyone. However, for those of us who have mood disorders, this time of year can be especially challenging. Some of us become very melancholy and fight depression and sad feelings. Some of us find ourselves lonely and easily slide into isolation and into a deep depression. Some of us find that the shorter days and lack of sunlight have a significant effect on our mood. And there are some of us who find our mood escalates during this time of the year.

I happen to be one of those folks whose mood escalates! I love this time of the year. And in years past (prior to diagnosis and medicine) I would literally be worse than a five-year-old strung out on Christmas cookies and sleep deprivation waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve! My mood would be so “up” that I couldn’t sleep for nights prior the church’s upcoming Christmas services. I literally would be over the top with decorations, spending and gift giving. Then when it was time to take down the tree, I would be depressed and irritable. In fact, in thirty years of marriage I do not believe I have ever helped take down the tree! My loving wife knew for years how I hated it and she would just do it when I was away from the house. (I’m thinking that this year it’s time I help!)

Since being diagnosed as bipolar I’ve come to understand that, along with my medicine, there are some things that I need to do so that my mood does not get out of hand. Paying attention to these 10 things has really helped me through the years. (Plus, I suspect you might have a few ideas that you could add to the list- which I encourage you to do by posting a comment!)

How to survive and flourish through the holidays:

1. Get plenty of rest.

Don’t underestimate the need for sleep and what happens to your mood when you don’t get enough rest! Sleep deprivation greatly affects your mood. In order to be at your emotional best, you must be well rested. When you are sleep deprived you will find yourself limited in your ability to cope with even the littlest things.

2. If there’s an easier way to do something, do it the easy way.

Many of us approach Christmas with an attitude of making it the best that it can be, so we push ourselves to do too many things; then as we do all these things we want them to be “just right.” Somehow we get to thinking that if we don’t do this or that, that Christmas just won’t be the same!

Instead of doing a LOT of things on your list, choose to do fewer of them and do them the easy way! If you can cook a simpler meal, then do it. If you email your friends instead of sending out a Christmas card, then do it. If you can buy something through the mail or give a gift card, then do it!

Simplifying things causes less stress on you. Remember- stress agitates mood stabilization.

Remember that the best Christmas memories happen when people interact with one another. It’s not about a perfectly decorated tree. Rather, it’s about the fun of putting the tree up together!

3. Adjust your expectations.

Recognize that things will not be perfect (or even close to perfect). Those in the group of family and friends that usually irritate you will once again have the chance to “get under your skin.” That uncle or parent or child most likely hasn’t changed since last year. (Unless, of course, they have started to work on their issues or for some reason aren’t on this year’s guest list!)

Choose to have few to no expectations about Christmas. And when there are those precious moments, those “Kodak moments,” savor them. Then focus on those snap shots that you’ve taken with your memory. Choose not to focus on what went wrong or what was said by whom. It’s impossible to be disappointed by anyone or anything if you have no expectations!

Besides, the “Kodak moments” of life are not created, they just happen. And if you spend your time focusing on what you are disappointed with, you will miss them!

4. Plan something special following the holidays that you can look forward to doing.

Don’t put all of your “emotional eggs” into one basket. There is life after Christmas. So many of us put so much focus into the holidays that we really don’t think too much about what’s coming in January.

It seems that most of our society uses the first week of January to simply come out of the Christmas “stupor” and recover. This certainly happens to many people financially. We know that many folks are all too surprised and overwhelmed at how much money they spent during the holidays! That leads me to number five…

5. Don’t overspend.

It’s way too easy to overspend during the holidays. Overspending is especially easy to do if you are charging things. Most of us who are bipolar have definite issues with overspending. My wife and I no longer charge anything for the holidays.

It’s too easy to spend money you don’t have when you charge things. In fact, when we take cash along for shopping, we spend within our means because we can literally see what we have to spend. I believe the concept of not overspending helps us enjoy Christmas and the New Year more!

6. Don’t eat too many sweets.

Not only is it important to not overdo the sweats because of weight and health, but refined sugar is truly an “enemy” of those who have mood disorders. As all too many of us know, when you eat or drink something sweet you will get a little “sugar rush;” then when the rush is past, you will experience a low. Needless to say, for those of us with mood disorders this can be counterproductive to maintaining a healthy “mood range.”

It’s more than just a challenge for me to not overdo the sweets! I love them. And on top of that, I love coffee along with my sweets! Caffeine is another one of those “enemies” of mood! My doctor tells me that he could most likely produce a mild mania in someone by giving them enough caffeine. After all, caffeine is a drug.

7. If your mood “sags” then get out! If your mood “winds up” stay in!

We all need some sunlight. In the winter there is less of it. Also, we tend to spend more time inside during the winter. It’s important to spend some time outside taking in a little sunlight. At our house we have moved to full spectrum lighting which helps. If you have access to a tanning bed that does not give off the cancer causing UV rays, consider spending some time tanning this winter. I know in past winters when I have done this, it really helped my mood.

If you are able to afford it, taking a trip to a place where it is warm can really help break up the long bleak Midwest winters and help your mood.

If you are one whose mood “sags” during the holiday season; don’t allow yourself to isolate. Keep yourself busy. Plan to do things with others and just “fake it” until you begin to feel your mood lift. Socialization with other people helps your mood improve.

For those of us who “wind up” during the holidays it can be helpful to stay home and quiet ourselves by doing things around the house. For me, I know that if I start to run a list of errands and do all kinds of shopping, I can easily find myself “winding up” which is not good. During the holidays I also force myself to start doing some work that will need to be done in January and February. For instance, as a pastor I’m already working on Lent and Easter services. It helps me to not put all of my own “emotional eggs” into the Christmas basket.

8. Don’t isolate.

Loneliness is the single most difficult emotion that people deal with during the holidays. If you are going to be alone for the holidays and know that you will struggle with loneliness, then you need to develop a game plan that will enable you to be around people. Consider volunteering at the hospital or a homeless shelter on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Focus on others. Keep yourself busy. Find others that are also going to be alone and plan a Christmas dinner or a New Year’s Eve party with them. Or if you have a close friend that has family, spend time with them. Just don’t isolate. When we isolate we start to focus on being alone and then we easily ruminate about the sad feelings, causing our mood to slip lower and lower, even to the point of bringing about a depressive episode.

You might consider doing something that you really enjoy doing the day following a big holiday. For example, on December 26^th consider doing something that is a “treat” for you along with some of your friends. It always helps to have something to look forward to.

9. Be accountable.

It’s so important to have a circle of accountability. When you have people that are going to check in on you and you checking in on others you begin to create a circle of accountability. It’s important to have those “check-in points” with others. And it is most helpful when those that check-in on us are also able to talk with the others that check are checking in on us and also have the ability to let our doctor or therapist know what is going on. It makes for a complete circle of accountability around us! And it’s a great way to keep ourselves emotionally safe and stable at all times.

10. Spend time with the Lord.

Spending time with the Lord is the most important thing to do. Spend time in the Word. Spend time in prayer. Spend time with others reading the Word and praying. After all, it’s all about Him. He made you and can very well manage your mood with His Word. However, many times people use this as the excuse to isolate. In other words, they get into the “it’s Jesus and me” kind of thinking, which sounds very spiritual but is not even biblical! (The Bible says that we need one another and are to never forsake the gathering of the Body of Christ in worship, etc.)

I suppose I could add an eleventh thing, but I believe it’s obvious. Take your medicine! If you suffer from a mood disorder it’s impossible to manage mood without it. You can’t get better without it. And take your medicine just the way that it was prescribed to you. If you don’t think it’s working, then you need to call your doctor and not make a decision about it on your own. Keep your doctor in the loop at all times.

If you find your mood sagging or escalating and you are not managing it well, you must call your doctor. Let him/her know. They very well might suggest a change in your medicine. Why? Because what you and I struggle with is in fact a physiological health issue. It’s just like diabetes. You need to take care of yourself, but sometimes you need more or less medicine just because of what your body is doing chemically.

If your brain chemistry is off, then the medicine will stabilize it. Having a mood disorder is NOT a character flaw nor is it a moral issue. It is a physical issue with the brain that affects behavior. And when left un-medicated it keeps us from behaving appropriately to the challenges of life! I choose to look at it this way: if I had diabetes I wouldn’t stop taking my insulin. And I would certainly understand that I could not make my body fix itself by just changing my thinking. The same is true with depression or bipolar disorder. Until you and I understand this and start to help others understand it, there will continue to be the stigma about mental health issues. We need to start with each of us understanding it first.

This year both of our grown children, their spouses and our two grandchildren will be home for Christmas. We are looking forward to a great Christmas together. And for me to stay on top of managing my mood is a very important part of making it a special time. After all, if Papa’s “out of control” it will be an “out of control” Christmas for everybody!

A peaceful, joy-filled, Spirit-led and mood-stable Christmas because of the stable of Bethlehem to all of you!