"Dating with BP: Getting Back Into the Swing of Things" by Guest Writer Bethany Matthews

Here's a guest blogger's perspective on dating with Bipolar Disorder for all of our single subscribers:

Guest Blogger: Bethany Matthews

As my readers know, I was diagnosed in my early twenties with bipolar disorder. It took nearly 10 years to successfully treat it. However, along the way with new job opportunities and moving to a large metropolitan area, I couldn’t quite make the effort to get out and meet people, particularly single men my age. Dating had become more of a chore rather than a social activity I use to enjoy.

Dating was not new to me as I had plenty of opportunities and fun times in college. But once the bipolar disorder reared its ugly head, I had to make recovery the number one priority in my life.  When I became more comfortable with its symptoms and how to manage it, I became more confident with my interactions with others including single men I was interested in dating.

But, during those 10 years the medications added some weight gain and in addition my poor nutritional choices and lack of exercise made me feel more than a bit frumpy. I still felt attractive to a point, but yet I had a preconceived idea that since I wasn’t my normal pre-bipolar disorder weight that I shouldn’t even ask that cute guy at the local coffee shop out to a movie. My confidence took a nosedive.

I admit it is tricky at times to be a single thirty-something woman managing bipolar disorder and dating. Yet, you have to keep pushing forward. As my counselor told me last spring, “You need to get a life and start dating.” So, I did. I didn’t want to, but I took that first step and dated a man during the summer and while he wasn’t “the one” for me, my confidence returned. I started purchasing trendier clothing and wearing makeup again, as well as paying attention to details like painted toenails and highlights. I also started eating healthier and exercising which improved my mood and decreased the number on the scale.

What else helped me along the way? Setting some goals and thinking about what I wanted out of dating.

D – Decide what you want. Casual dating, but nothing serious? A committed relationship? Looking for a marriage partner? Figure out your intentions. Write them down if necessary and what you are looking for in a date/mate.

• A – Attitude.  Keep it positive.  Enough said.

• T – Try new things, but keep the old. Visit new places together and even try the old standby of a double-date if you are nervous.

• I – Insist on being safe. Don’t give out phone numbers and other personal information too soon especially if you are meeting someone through an online dating website.

• N – Need a break? Feel free to say “no” once in a while. If you aren’t feeling a “click” by the first few dates with a person don’t feel guilty by moving on.

• G – God is good. Always. Trust Him. Pray for God’s guidance and will for your dating and love life. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6