The Hope Factor

One can easily loose hope when dealing with a mental health issue.  Feeling hopeless is a common experience not only for those of us who have experienced mental health difficulties but also for our loved ones.  Loosing hope strikes right at the core of our will to live.  And this “thief of hope” leaves us "feeling" empty and void of any reason of moving forward. 

Not only have I experienced this myself, but also as a group facilitator I have seen it over and over.  Which has brought me to this conclusion: hope is not a feeling.  Rather, hope is a decision.  And when we choose to have hope, in spite of how we "feel", our feelings will follow. Therefore, there are times I choose to have hope despite what my circumstances look like much less how hopeless I might feel.

Each of us we must decide in whom or what we place our hope.  For me, my hope is in the Lord.  I see him as loving, kind, gracious and merciful. He has never let be down and is always with me.  So, I choose hope because of his faithfulness, not because of my circumstances or my feelings. For me, I know I can count on him working all things out for my good.

If you are feeling hopeless I encourage you to make a decision of your will to have hope in spite of your feelings or circumstances.  Place your hope in someone or something outside of yourself and your feelings will follow.  I call it the "hope factor"; having hope no matter what!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace!"  

Romans 15:13

A Lesson Learned

There's a morale to this story: So, I was in the locker room after exercising and in walks a guy that none of us had seen before. He had a sort of husky build, but you could see the pride in his face. He seemed to be very pleased with himself after exercising. I suspect that he had finally decided to get to the gym and start an exercise program...as happens with many of us.

Well, after he walked past my buddies and I- we started to laugh hysterically because while the guy was acting like such a jock etc., little did he know that he had about a two foot piece of toilet paper hanging out of the waist band of his sweats! It looked like he had a toilet paper tail! Later we found out that he had been running on the track...and the toilet paper was flapping in the wind as he ran!!!

Morale of the story: when you decide to move forward in life, make sure you are leaving your past behind you. It's important to "disconnect" from what has been holding you back when moving forward! Just sayin'.... :)

"Dating with BP: Getting Back Into the Swing of Things" by Guest Writer Bethany Matthews

Here's a guest blogger's perspective on dating with Bipolar Disorder for all of our single subscribers:

Guest Blogger: Bethany Matthews

As my readers know, I was diagnosed in my early twenties with bipolar disorder. It took nearly 10 years to successfully treat it. However, along the way with new job opportunities and moving to a large metropolitan area, I couldn’t quite make the effort to get out and meet people, particularly single men my age. Dating had become more of a chore rather than a social activity I use to enjoy.

Dating was not new to me as I had plenty of opportunities and fun times in college. But once the bipolar disorder reared its ugly head, I had to make recovery the number one priority in my life.  When I became more comfortable with its symptoms and how to manage it, I became more confident with my interactions with others including single men I was interested in dating.

But, during those 10 years the medications added some weight gain and in addition my poor nutritional choices and lack of exercise made me feel more than a bit frumpy. I still felt attractive to a point, but yet I had a preconceived idea that since I wasn’t my normal pre-bipolar disorder weight that I shouldn’t even ask that cute guy at the local coffee shop out to a movie. My confidence took a nosedive.

I admit it is tricky at times to be a single thirty-something woman managing bipolar disorder and dating. Yet, you have to keep pushing forward. As my counselor told me last spring, “You need to get a life and start dating.” So, I did. I didn’t want to, but I took that first step and dated a man during the summer and while he wasn’t “the one” for me, my confidence returned. I started purchasing trendier clothing and wearing makeup again, as well as paying attention to details like painted toenails and highlights. I also started eating healthier and exercising which improved my mood and decreased the number on the scale.

What else helped me along the way? Setting some goals and thinking about what I wanted out of dating.

D – Decide what you want. Casual dating, but nothing serious? A committed relationship? Looking for a marriage partner? Figure out your intentions. Write them down if necessary and what you are looking for in a date/mate.

• A – Attitude.  Keep it positive.  Enough said.

• T – Try new things, but keep the old. Visit new places together and even try the old standby of a double-date if you are nervous.

• I – Insist on being safe. Don’t give out phone numbers and other personal information too soon especially if you are meeting someone through an online dating website.

• N – Need a break? Feel free to say “no” once in a while. If you aren’t feeling a “click” by the first few dates with a person don’t feel guilty by moving on.

• G – God is good. Always. Trust Him. Pray for God’s guidance and will for your dating and love life. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Fresh Hope Overcomes the Hopelessness from Mental Health Issues

Fresh Hope Overcomes the Hopelessness from Mental Health Issues

The Power of Encouragement

Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the power of encouragement.  When you’re discouraged, frustrated and down there is something extremely powerful when someone comes along side of you and tells you that they “believe in you”.  Especially when you don’t believe in yourself, it seems as though someone else “believing in you” to become a direct deposit of hope and confidence into your empty “self-confidence account”.  It’s as though someone encouraging you gives you hope and that hope begins to “leak into” your empty tank!

Discouragement comes with living.  Everyone experiences it.  However, those of us who have experienced mental health issues seem to be dragged down and held there in the dark abyss of discouragement more easily and longer than the average person.  I suspect this happens because any type of ongoing mental health issue strikes right at the heart of one’s self-confidence.  And having self-confidence is a key to “getting back up” after prolonged discouragement.  Of course, the difficulty with getting back up also is connected to how often one has been “knocked down” as well as the duration of each period of discouragement. 

Knowing that someone else is “with you”, “for you”, “believes in you” and “is there for you” breathes “fresh-confidence” into an empty and dried up confidence tank much like a soft gentle rain is to dried up, parched, ground.  Encouragement enables a fragile heart to beat stronger again.  Encouragement begins to create new thought patterns in a brain that desperately needs detoxing.  Encouragement feeds a hungry soul the hope that God still has a plan.

If you are discouraged and some “encouraging-encourager” comes along, let it soak into you.  Embrace it.  Enjoy it.  Savor it.  Build upon it.  And be sure to spend as much time as possible with that encourager.

An encourager who comes along in your life is a gift from the LORD.  Many times they become like “Jesus with skin on” for you and me.

If you know of someone who is discouraged begin to encourage them by your words and actions.  Encouragement is an interesting thing; when you give to others you get even more of it yourself.  It never ceases to amaze me that when you need encouraging and you encourage others all of a sudden your own “tank” gets filled up.

And most of all: be sure to lavishly soak yourself in the encouragement of the LORD through His Word.  In His word He reminds you of His GREAT love for you; His ability to take all things and work them out together for your good.  He assures you that He has a plan and a purpose for your life.  He also assures you that He will not leave you or forsake you.  And through His word His Holy Spirit works within you.  If you are not able to concentrate when you read His word then listen to Scripture songs and music. 

Recently I asked some of my friends on Facebook to tell me what encouragement meant to them.  Here’s just a few of the responses:

·         “Sometime the greatest encouragement I've gotten is when a friend just comes along side me, no words, a hug, and the bond of friendship that needs no spoken words!”  Cyndy

·         “Presence + compassion + support = encouragement.”  Pastor Mike

·        “No matter how small it may be, any sign that I am appreciated always encourages me.”  Karen

·         “Smiles, emails, hugs, calls, and when friends show support and pray for me.” Julie

·         “Years ago I had a friend call me from the hospital. The doctor had just told her she needed a heart transplant and she had no one to talk to. All the way to the hospital I repeated the same one-line prayer "Lord, give me the words." Months later, after her transplant, my friend called me, again. She wanted to apologize because she could not remember anything I said during that visit but she wanted me to know how much it meant to her that I was there. God taught me a big lesson!”  Kim

·         “We look for lofty words and often say or do things that are not in our character--all out of caring and wanting to encourage that person. But those ‘Barnabas moments’ as I love to call them, come from our presence and that shouldn't surprise us … isn't that just like God? Sometimes at my lowest moments I hear no voice but I feel His presence and I am encouraged and comforted because His presence is ALWAYS with me!”  Cyndy

·         “The Word of God and the Holy Spirit are my greatest source of encouragement. God has all the patience and solutions to my dilemmas.”  Bart

·         “If I’m in a worst case scenario mindset, my encourager would not let me stay there. An encourager would help me take responsibility for my thinking and steer me toward more hopeful and uplifting thoughts.  An encourager would remind me that all thing work together for those who love the Lord.  They would remind me to think on those things that are true and right. An encourager would not let me sit on a pity pot, or allow me to assonate my own character, as I have been prone to do. Also, they would help steer the subject to more hopeful and lovely thoughts after they are sure I feel heard helps. Which keeps me from RUMINATING!”  Carol

How have others encouraged you when you were discouraged?

Dating with a Mood Disorder 101 by Bethany A. Matthews

Dating with a Mood Disorder 101

by Bethany A. Matthews  (Bethany is a guest blogger and a member of a Fresh Hope support group in Omaha, Nebraska.)

Back in my college days before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I remember my college sweetheart saying that my mood swings and oversleeping were “all in my head.” However, a couple years later (minus the boyfriend) I learned that what I suffered from was a mental illness that could be treated successfully with medication, counseling and self-care.

As I recovered, I began building a life for myself which included moving out on my own and planning a career. I also started dating again, but fear always won in the end. I didn't want to get hurt. I caught myself wondering. How do I get back in the game? What will my date say when I tell him I have bipolar disorder? Will he know what it is and understand? And, most importantly, when do I tell him?

After some trial and error, here is what I learned:

·         Don't sweat it. Dating is nerve-racking enough and there is no reason to let anxiety overwhelm you just because you have a mood disorder. Rest easy and realize that the other person is probably just as nervous. Who knows? Maybe he has a mood disorder, too.

·         Determining “when” is up to you. There are no hard and fast rules to disclosing your mood disorder. However, honesty is always the best policy. And, the more practice you get at reading people you will learn when the time is right and what words to use.

·         Take good care of yourself. The more attention and time you devote to your well-being – physical, mental, and spiritual – the better you will feel about yourself. With this comes  renewed self-confidence and raised self-esteem.

·         Choose dating activities you like. It's difficult to get excited and enjoy an activity when depressed. Make sure to take the reigns and give your date input regarding what you like to do so that you will enjoy your time together.

·         Use the opportunity to educate. Your date may be unaware and know nothing about mental illness. If so, take a moment and explain it. If he is compassionate and understanding, that's wonderful. If he isn't, move on.

·         Put the brakes on love. If you feel as if you need a break from the dating scene, go ahead and sit it out for awhile, especially if you feel you need some “me” time. You know yourself the best.

·         Ask for God's guidance. Dating is really about finding a potential lifetime partner. It's one of the biggest decisions you will make in life. Pray for His wisdom and you will be surprised at the blessings He will give you.

                                                                                                              Bethany

Thanks Bethany for a great post for our single readers of the Fresh Hope Blog!