Dating with a Mood Disorder 101
by Bethany A. Matthews (Bethany is a guest blogger and a member of a Fresh Hope support group in Omaha, Nebraska.)
Back in my college days before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I remember my college sweetheart saying that my mood swings and oversleeping were “all in my head.” However, a couple years later (minus the boyfriend) I learned that what I suffered from was a mental illness that could be treated successfully with medication, counseling and self-care.
As I recovered, I began building a life for myself which included moving out on my own and planning a career. I also started dating again, but fear always won in the end. I didn't want to get hurt. I caught myself wondering. How do I get back in the game? What will my date say when I tell him I have bipolar disorder? Will he know what it is and understand? And, most importantly, when do I tell him?
After some trial and error, here is what I learned:
· Don't sweat it. Dating is nerve-racking enough and there is no reason to let anxiety overwhelm you just because you have a mood disorder. Rest easy and realize that the other person is probably just as nervous. Who knows? Maybe he has a mood disorder, too.
· Determining “when” is up to you. There are no hard and fast rules to disclosing your mood disorder. However, honesty is always the best policy. And, the more practice you get at reading people you will learn when the time is right and what words to use.
· Take good care of yourself. The more attention and time you devote to your well-being – physical, mental, and spiritual – the better you will feel about yourself. With this comes renewed self-confidence and raised self-esteem.
· Choose dating activities you like. It's difficult to get excited and enjoy an activity when depressed. Make sure to take the reigns and give your date input regarding what you like to do so that you will enjoy your time together.
· Use the opportunity to educate. Your date may be unaware and know nothing about mental illness. If so, take a moment and explain it. If he is compassionate and understanding, that's wonderful. If he isn't, move on.
· Put the brakes on love. If you feel as if you need a break from the dating scene, go ahead and sit it out for awhile, especially if you feel you need some “me” time. You know yourself the best.
· Ask for God's guidance. Dating is really about finding a potential lifetime partner. It's one of the biggest decisions you will make in life. Pray for His wisdom and you will be surprised at the blessings He will give you.
Bethany
Thanks Bethany for a great post for our single readers of the Fresh Hope Blog!
